the weight of woe...

it has been raining here for days and the forecast calls for rain all week long.  you know i like the rain don't you?  grey sky days like this call for slow and thoughtful projects.  deep soul projects.  my fingers ache, but in a satisfying way.  i don't usually use blue in my work, almost never, but this piece needed blue.  a really moody sort of blue.  

  

the words came first actually...sometimes it happens like that.  i cut them from an old book and set them on my table.  my eyes landed on them over and over again and the phrase got stuck in my head for a few days...the weight of woe.  i actually dreamt about it and when i awoke i gathered some humble supplies and began to stitch.  it is a work in progress.  i'm still not sure how it will end up.  but that is the best way usually.

the light in my little studio is dim and grey.  my little dog is sleeping, just inches away, on a soft blanket that i drag around the house wherever i go.  he wants to be near me all the time now, but his old bones need a cushion.  the rain is slow today... a drizzle really.  and the needle dips in and out.  in and out.  in and out...

calm...

i took a walk alone.  in a forest of tall, tall trees.  so tall, all of the leaves were at the top, so all i could see were the trunks, one after another.  there was a light breeze and when it came through, the trees lightly swayed making a soft whispering sound.  and the world was so beautiful just then.  as i was walking i spied an opening in the trees.  i climbed down a steep slope all slippy-slidey like, using the tree roots like stairs and branches as my railing.  the flip-flops on my feet were not helping much, but i made it to the bottom still standing and this was my reward.    

  

the water was the palest blue...the prettiest blue i've ever seen.  the sun made the ripples sparkle...it was magical.  as i snapped the picture, i thought to myself, "this is what calm looks like."    

when i got home, i sent it off into cyberspace to have it enlarged and printed and mailed back to me...that's still kind of amazing to me how that all works.  and yesterday, when i slipped it out of the tube, i got that feeling all over again.  a calm...deep in my bones.  i'm going to hang it today.  someplace where i'll see it every day.  cause life is not always easy.  and sometimes you have to make your own calm.  

"Always be like a water.  Float in the times of pain or dance like waves along the wind which touches its surface."

-Santosh Kalwar

this is the day...

this is the day that decides by itself to be beautiful.

-henry shukman-

i found this leaf this morning on my daily "meander" with dexter.  he stopped to sniff a fresh patch of grass and there it was at my feet.  i knew then it would be a beautiful day.  or did it turn out to be beautiful because i decided right then that it would be?  such a deep question right?  i believe each day is what we make it.  and some days...well...they do seem to decide all by themselves...

gifts of the heart...

i'm probably a hard person to buy a gift for.  especially lately, with all of the de-cluttering i have been doing.  but i think i'm pretty simple.  ridiculously simple maybe.  you don't have to buy me anything.  i love homemade gifts, like the little paintings my artist daughter is always surprising me with.

 or those scrappy little notes the kids used to write when they were younger.  i have a little wooden box full of them that i look through when i need cheering up.  

i love little dusty treasures from dark and mysterious shops.  especially books.     

i love gifts of nature.  my mother-in-law surprised me recently with these little white rocks.  she said she knew i liked the white ones.  that really touched my heart.  that she knows that about me and that she would think to pick up some rocks and carry them around in her purse until she saw me next.  

my best gift of all this year was on my birthday.  i was a little sad that my college girl would not be there.  she usually makes me a wonderful cake.  i was in the kitchen the day before, cooking, when i heard my husband come in from work.  i was absorbed in what i was doing and i didn't look up.  imagine my surprise, when i heard her voice.  a complete surprise...it brought tears to my eyes.  he had told me he would be in an all day meeting, so i probably wouldn't hear from him, when actually he was driving the few hours to get her.  that was a good one.

my mom was going to celebrate a big birthday this year.  i thought about what to get her.  i always make her a journal of some sort, but i didn't have any new ideas.  besides, i was thinking, i'm sure she hasn't filled them all up yet, so maybe she didn't need another one.  i asked my husband for ideas.  he suggested going to NY to surprise her.  but it's only a few days away i thought.  i'm not actually a very spontaneous person.  i like to plan things.  but he kept at it.  what else do we have to do?  i couldn't think of anything, except laundry and well...there's always that.  i tried to think of some reasons why we shouldn't go.  two days of driving for one day of visiting.  seemed a little crazy.  but i realized i wanted to go.  i kept thinking, if i don't go, i'm going to wish that i had.  and if there's one thing i know for sure it's this...always listen to what your heart is telling you and you won't have regrets.  always.  listen.  so...         

we did it.  we took the 9 hour drive on friday.  i could hardly wait until party time on saturday.  we hid our car in my brothers' garage.  we locked the door.  and when she rang the bell, i opened the door with a big grin.  the look on her face was priceless and i imagine it was similar to the look that i had when my daughter surprised me.  the best gift ever, she said.  and that made me so happy that i had decided to go.  i thought about it on the long drive home sunday.  these gifts from the heart...they are all about love...that's what makes such simple things so special.  small gestures of love to be treasured forever in our hearts...

meandering...

my daily walks have evolved over the years.  but they have remained constant.  i've always walked.   sometimes because i had to, but mostly because i wanted to.  it keeps me healthy.  it gets me outside. it has been a way to connect with my kids, my husband.  it gives me time to think.  it takes me to a calm place that can only be achieved through putting one foot in front of the other over and over and over again.

our little corgi, Dexter, loves his walks too.  he used to pull me along..."hurry, hurry, hurry", he seemed to be saying all the time. but he is getting old and lately it seems to be me saying  "hurry, hurry".  he can only make it about a mile most days and some days, after just half a mile he gives me a look.  a look that says, "will you carry me?"  and that melts my heart.  he's just so darned cute.  so, i decided to stop trying to hurry him.  i take a nice brisk walk first and then i come back for him.  this morning i really surrendered to it.  i took his pace.  i think it's called meandering.  i let him stop and smell the flowers.  literally.  and every blade of grass.  and every inch of pavement.  and i didn't pull him along.  instead, i noticed things.

an intricate spiderweb, dewy and silvery in the sunlight, the beautiful morning sunlight which was streaming just so through the trees.

a light cool breeze, a breeze that sent the first of the fall leaves fluttering to the ground soundlessly and in slow motion...almost like snowflakes.

a brilliant red cardinal chasing a large locust, his breakfast trying desperately to escape.

the quiet.  oh my, it was so quiet.  a few birds, an occasional distant bark from some dog who probably wished he could come with us to smell the flowers.

it was just a really beautiful and peaceful morning.  i didn't have my camera with me to capture any of this, so you're going to have to take my word for it.  anyway, i think i would have missed all of it if i was focused on trying to capture the perfect image.

it's so easy to fall into that manic, always thinking of the next thing, rushing around in a hurry way of being.  i feel like my little dog taught me something.  it's ok to sniff the flowers.  and pee on them.  ok, maybe not that.  but it's ok to slow down once in a while.  or more than once in a while.  when we got home, i was still in "meandering" mode, so dexter and i went out to the backyard for a little while.

we explored the beginnings of a "rock garden" that my husband is making because he thought i would like it.  and since beginnings don't look like much, try to envision a peaceful, zen, green ivy and rocks, maybe a bench, kind of garden.

we checked out the progress of the filling "the hole to china" project, which has been going on for several years now.  when they kids were younger i let them try to dig a hole to china.  well, there were four of them and at times, friends, so they made it pretty far.  it's taken years to get it this filled in.  we should have it done just in time for the grandkids.  ha ha!

we explored a fallen tree.  it just fell right over unexpectedly with a giant crash one day.  we were all inside, each of us thinking at the time, "what was that noise?" and then we just went back to what we each were doing.  later when we saw it we each said, "yeah, i thought i heard something".  I peeked in the end,  the inside has been hollowed out by termites.  glad that one was away from the house.

we found a pretty patch of moss and sunlight.  i looked around for fairies, but i didn't see any.

and on the way in, i got goofy and snapped a picture of myself, snapping a picture of myself.  

meandering...

yeah, it's a good thing...

kantha book...

as soon as i saw this piece of kantha quilt, i thought...for a book.  it's hand stitched, which is really my thing right now, so i bought it and it was waiting for me when i returned from my road trips.

as soon as i had some free time, i pulled it out and started to work on it.  since kantha quilts are traditionally made by the women of India, i paired it with some handmade paper from India that i had in my stash.  

i like the rough nature of it.  the raw quilt edges and the rough paper.  imperfect, yet beautiful.  this one is for sale in my shop, but i might make another one for myself.  i'm almost at the end of my present journal and since i like to stitch in my journals, this one would be perfect.  

i thought i would have a break from driving for a few days, but i am being driven all around town.  practice driving...so some of the teens can get their license.  although they have all waited to get their license, i find this to be a rather stressful process.  also, this is my last day of having 4 teenagers.  as of tomorrow, i will have 3 teenagers and one 20 year old.  this is all affecting me more than i thought it would.  change is often hard and i've never been very good at it.  yet, change is inevitable.  and necessary.  and it's going to happen regardless, so...nothing more to say except this...

"The beautiful journey of today can only begin when we learn to let go of yesterday."

-Steve Maraboli-

continuing...

as you can see, i've been continuing to stitch.  i love all of that boro stitching i'm seeing around and i've been experimenting with it on leather.  stitching on leather like this is hard and painful on the fingers.  this leather was kind of thin, so i didn't make any holes first.  i just went at with a really sharp needle.  i wanted it to look rough and not too perfect.  i think i achieved that.  i'm working on a pair of jeans now...much easier.

it's been a crazy month of road trips.  i figured out the mileage...in one month we drove roughly 2800 miles. up to NY to leave our daughter at the Pratt Institute, then home.  then back to NY to pick her up.  then to Richmond to drop her off with our other daughter for a few days.  then back home.  then back to Richmond to pick them both up.  then home again.  no wonder my neck hurts.  but, i am getting really good at passing the big trucks...something i used to be scared of.

my daughter mostly enjoyed her time at Pratt.  she earned several college credits and has begun to get her portfolio together.  she learned a lot about painting and also a lot about some other things...an interesting bit of education to be sure.  in case you're thinking that she's spoiled or something...i have to tell you that she paid for the entire thing herself, right down to the pricey painting supplies that were required.  many, many hours of working...i'm so very proud of her.  she came home inspired and with masterpieces and the beginnnings of masterpieces.  i believe in the power of art so much, that i was willing to drive all of those miles for her to experience that.

i hope to be able to relax a bit for a few days, enjoy the sunny weather and get back to creating.  one thing about all that driving...it gave me a lot of time to think.  i have some amazing ideas that i can't wait to try out.  i do have a few more road trips planned for later this month.  a college visit...my twins are seniors now (which is really hard to believe) and then i'll be taking my oldest back to college.  she is going to turn 20 this week (even harder to believe).  time just flies on by, doesn't it?

hope you are enjoying your summer...