miracle...

If we could see the miracle of a single flower clearly, our whole life would change.

-Buddha-

i love this quote that i found recently.  and it's so true, for me anyway.  miracles come in all different forms.  some miracles hit you and you are like "wow, what an amazing miracle".  but most miracles are much, much smaller.  so small you might not even notice them if you are not paying attention.  you probably know i have a small bunch of kids, three of them teenagers.  my teenagers are wonderful kids, really nice kids, who, for the most part, stay out of trouble.  i really love them a lot.  and they also drive me crazy.  so crazy, i sometimes want to scream at the top of my lungs.  or crumple up into a chair and cry for an hour.  i've read up on teens lately and i've found out that all of  this is completely normal and there's not much you can do about it.  the fact is - they will drive you crazy and it's up to you how you deal with it.  working on that one.

so, it was right in the middle of one of those moments.  do i scream or cry?  one of my teens plunked this flower into my lap.  they picked it for me.  they knew i would like it.  cause it's cool and kind of spiky and a really pretty color.  because they love me.  and they don't mean to drive me crazy.  and they usually aren't even aware that they are driving me crazy - that's normal too i guess.  and i accepted the flower with grace and thanks.  a little tiny miracle at just the right moment.

strange meat...

the other day, a man tried to sell me some meat off the back of his truck.  seriously.  there was a knock at my door.  i went to answer it and there was a scruffy old man on my front porch.  i grabbed a hold of my little corgi attack dog and opened the door.  i looked at him expectantly.  and this is what he said, "excuse me ma'am, but i was in your neighborhood making a delivery and i have some extra meat in my truck.  i would be willing to let it go at half price, if you would like to have it".  he said this with a real strong southern drawl.  the kind i'm just starting to be able to understand, after living here for seven years.

umm...ok...well then...  what sort of meat?  where did this meat come from?  how long has it been in the back of your truck?  half price? really?  half the price of what?  who were you delivering said meat to?  do i know them?  why do you have extra?  is there something wrong with this meat?  will i die or become gravely ill if i eat it?  where are you from?  do you have any identification?  does the health department know about this?

mind you, i didn't say any of this out loud.  all of these questions just raced through my head, while i thought of what to say.  did he really think i was going to buy strange meat from a strange man driving a strange truck?  "well", i said, ever so sweetly, "thank you for asking, but i don't really need any meat today."  all this time, my little corgi was putting on a good show.  i had him by the collar and he was trying to get to the man.  maybe bite him in the ankle or something.  i thought, what a faithful little dog, protecting his mama like that.  but then i realized, he just wanted the meat.  traitor.  the man shrugged, as if to say, "your loss..."  and that was the end of that.

you'll notice, the pictures you see here have nothing to do with meat.  because i didn't have any pictures of strange meat to go with this story.  so they are just random pictures of random treasures i have found recently in my daily meanderings.  and really, i know this isn't much of a story.  i just found it to be a rather curious incident and i thought you might enjoy reading about it.

her eyes sparkled like diamonds...

our little girl went to the prom this weekend...  she looked so pretty...  and happy...  and her eyes sparkled like diamonds.  my eyes sparkled too...with tears...

 friends...  all done up and fancy...

yes, the boys are twins...

and because boys will be boys...

prom, already...it really does go by so quickly.  hubby had a business trip.  he was not due back until later in the evening, traveling back with his staff.  but he was only two and a half hours away and since i still had my cute little red car, i decided to take an impromptu road trip.  i went and picked him up and got him home on time.  to see his little girl off to her first prom...

my shiny little red car...

this is my shiny little red car.  but not really.  just for the week.  our car, the "love mobile" that i wrote about last month is in surgery.  serious surgery.  there were complications.  a one day procedure that has turned into five days.  so far.  and seeing as how life goes on anyway, i rented this shiny little red car to keep me going.

i didn't actually choose this car.  i went to the rental place and the salesman told me there were three cars available to choose from.  thinking that i was only going to have this car for one day, i told him, "i don't really care, you choose for me".  at which point he looked me up and down and  pursed his lips.  yes, really, he pursed his lips.  "be right back", he said and a moment later he pulled up in this cute shiny little red car and handed over the keys.  i hopped in and headed home.  30 seconds into driving it, i'm thinking, wow, this little car has some kick.  this car makes my car feel like she has asthma.   and no rattling, no squeaking, no whining.  whoa, and the brakes reeaallly work.  wait, enough of those thoughts.  i was starting to feel a bit unfaithful.  i mean after all, Berlinda (that is what our daughter named our real car some time ago) has been our faithful servant for quite a number of years.

when i pulled into the driveway, my younger son came running out.  "is this your new car, mom?"  "yup."  he jumped in and proceeded to check it out.  so clean and fresh.  it has a cd player - cool.  and a little slot for cds.  and all the lights work.  he was so excited that he agreed to come with me to my daughters' concert, just so he could have a ride in the car.  normally, he would never agree to willingly sit through a two hour concert.  but since i was only going to have it for one day...

well, one day has turned into two, then three, and now four.  actually, i'm starting to get attached to this car.  i mean, i look cute driving this car.  my husband said so.  never mind that i can only fit about one and a half of my kids in the back.  and i had to put the back seats down in order to fit all of my groceries for the week.  i look cute in it.  but seriously, we haven't given up on old Berlinda yet.  we're still hoping she pulls through.  i think she's still got another year or two left in her.  car years are like dog years, you know.  for every one of our years, a car ages 7 years which puts Berlinda at about 84 years of age.  not bad.

so for now, i will enjoy my shiny little red car, but i'm hoping to get my own faithful old car back soon.  you hear that mr. mechanic?  real soon.

wearing brave...

i bought this leather cuff last year from jeanne oliver.  well, i never wore it.  i plopped it on the shelf above my work table in my studio and there it sat.  from time to time i would look up and see it there, that word "brave" always catching my eye.  one day, my daughter asked me why i didn't wear it.  and i replied, "i'm not feeling brave enough to wear it".  oh boy - that conversation really stuck around in my head for a while.  and made me think.  i mean, after all, it's not often that i splurge on a piece of jewelry for myself.  like never.  and i chose that one with care and intention.  because i believe in being brave.  because a lot of times it's hard to be brave.  and because i wanted to remind myself it's important to be brave.  and i forgot.  i forgot that i don't have to be brave to wear that bracelet.  that wearing that bracelet, for me, is brave.  so, i took the bracelet down, dusted it off and put it on.

today, i'm wearing brave.

standing in the beauty of rain...

another rainy day.  for the most part, i like rainy days.  but it feels like too many lately.  i think i mean that both literally and figuratively.  when i got up this morning and saw that it was raining again, i let out a deep sigh.  i was in the midst of feeling gloomy about the rain.  and about some other things that aren't quite working out right now.  at some point i dragged myself to the cellar to put in another load of laundry.  i was feeling tired.  and with the washer lightly swishing and the dryer warmly whirring i stood silently for a moment and just stared out the window.  in that moment i became aware of the rain drippety-dropping into the water that puddles up right outside the cellar door.

i opened up the door and stepped right into that puddle with my bare feet.  the water was cold, but it felt good.  i stayed there in that puddle for quite some time.

the rain was falling in a light and beautiful rhythm.

i noticed the lovely rings the raindrops made.  and the reflection of the trees in front of me and the sky above.

and i listened.  to the birds, singing their sweet and varied notes.  to the silence of the forest.  to my own heart beating.

and i thought.  about how some of the most beautiful things in life come after the rain.  about how that is true in life as well.

i stood in the beauty of the rain and made peace with it.

and when i turned to go back inside, i felt something sprouting in my heart.

something like hope.

number 478...

i've slowed down, but i haven't given up.  only 522 to go...

surrender...

i think i mentioned that i used up all of the pages in my journal.  well, life has been busy lately and i just haven't had time to make a new one for myself.  yet, i still feel that pull to glue and scribble and drip paint...what's a girl to do?  i pulled out my favorite brown shipping paper and cut off a big piece - something like 2-1/2 feet by 3-1/2 feet and tacked it to my studio wall.  i slapped some gesso on it the first day and left it.  over the course of a couple of weeks, i glued some random things, made some pencil sketches, dripped some paint, painted a flower...  i was feeling a bit blackish the day i added all of the black paint, mostly with my hands and i have to say, painting with your hands is fun, although i'm still scraping it out of my nails.  the word "surrender" came on a day i started to get too serious about it.  i meant for this to be real casual, not a masterpiece or anything - just a place to let go.  LET GO.  yeah, really loving those two words lately.  sometimes i get caught up in doing things a certain way.  or worried because i don't know much about painting.  but i'm starting to realize that it really doesn't matter.  the important thing is that i'm doing it.   i am free.  there's no right or wrong way.  i am inventing my life as i go along.  and it's good to not know things.  looking forward to learning new things is one of the sweet parts of life.  one of the many sweet parts of this life that i am so grateful for...

drops of silver...

it's been raining on and off for days.  last night, rather than cancel another baseball game, the kids played in the light drizzle.  near the end of the game, a heavy fog settled in.  it was like a gauzy curtain and it made everything look so soft and dreamy.  i found myself wishing i had brought my camera.  but, i did get out for a while earlier in the afternoon and i caught these lovely drops of silver.  and the perfect snippet of poetry to go with it...

Tell me how many beads there are

in a silver chain

of evening rain,

unravelled from the tumbling main...

-thomas lovell beddoes-