the weight of woe...

it has been raining here for days and the forecast calls for rain all week long.  you know i like the rain don't you?  grey sky days like this call for slow and thoughtful projects.  deep soul projects.  my fingers ache, but in a satisfying way.  i don't usually use blue in my work, almost never, but this piece needed blue.  a really moody sort of blue.  

  

the words came first actually...sometimes it happens like that.  i cut them from an old book and set them on my table.  my eyes landed on them over and over again and the phrase got stuck in my head for a few days...the weight of woe.  i actually dreamt about it and when i awoke i gathered some humble supplies and began to stitch.  it is a work in progress.  i'm still not sure how it will end up.  but that is the best way usually.

the light in my little studio is dim and grey.  my little dog is sleeping, just inches away, on a soft blanket that i drag around the house wherever i go.  he wants to be near me all the time now, but his old bones need a cushion.  the rain is slow today... a drizzle really.  and the needle dips in and out.  in and out.  in and out...

calm...

i took a walk alone.  in a forest of tall, tall trees.  so tall, all of the leaves were at the top, so all i could see were the trunks, one after another.  there was a light breeze and when it came through, the trees lightly swayed making a soft whispering sound.  and the world was so beautiful just then.  as i was walking i spied an opening in the trees.  i climbed down a steep slope all slippy-slidey like, using the tree roots like stairs and branches as my railing.  the flip-flops on my feet were not helping much, but i made it to the bottom still standing and this was my reward.    

  

the water was the palest blue...the prettiest blue i've ever seen.  the sun made the ripples sparkle...it was magical.  as i snapped the picture, i thought to myself, "this is what calm looks like."    

when i got home, i sent it off into cyberspace to have it enlarged and printed and mailed back to me...that's still kind of amazing to me how that all works.  and yesterday, when i slipped it out of the tube, i got that feeling all over again.  a calm...deep in my bones.  i'm going to hang it today.  someplace where i'll see it every day.  cause life is not always easy.  and sometimes you have to make your own calm.  

"Always be like a water.  Float in the times of pain or dance like waves along the wind which touches its surface."

-Santosh Kalwar

this is the day...

this is the day that decides by itself to be beautiful.

-henry shukman-

i found this leaf this morning on my daily "meander" with dexter.  he stopped to sniff a fresh patch of grass and there it was at my feet.  i knew then it would be a beautiful day.  or did it turn out to be beautiful because i decided right then that it would be?  such a deep question right?  i believe each day is what we make it.  and some days...well...they do seem to decide all by themselves...

gifts of the heart...

i'm probably a hard person to buy a gift for.  especially lately, with all of the de-cluttering i have been doing.  but i think i'm pretty simple.  ridiculously simple maybe.  you don't have to buy me anything.  i love homemade gifts, like the little paintings my artist daughter is always surprising me with.

 or those scrappy little notes the kids used to write when they were younger.  i have a little wooden box full of them that i look through when i need cheering up.  

i love little dusty treasures from dark and mysterious shops.  especially books.     

i love gifts of nature.  my mother-in-law surprised me recently with these little white rocks.  she said she knew i liked the white ones.  that really touched my heart.  that she knows that about me and that she would think to pick up some rocks and carry them around in her purse until she saw me next.  

my best gift of all this year was on my birthday.  i was a little sad that my college girl would not be there.  she usually makes me a wonderful cake.  i was in the kitchen the day before, cooking, when i heard my husband come in from work.  i was absorbed in what i was doing and i didn't look up.  imagine my surprise, when i heard her voice.  a complete surprise...it brought tears to my eyes.  he had told me he would be in an all day meeting, so i probably wouldn't hear from him, when actually he was driving the few hours to get her.  that was a good one.

my mom was going to celebrate a big birthday this year.  i thought about what to get her.  i always make her a journal of some sort, but i didn't have any new ideas.  besides, i was thinking, i'm sure she hasn't filled them all up yet, so maybe she didn't need another one.  i asked my husband for ideas.  he suggested going to NY to surprise her.  but it's only a few days away i thought.  i'm not actually a very spontaneous person.  i like to plan things.  but he kept at it.  what else do we have to do?  i couldn't think of anything, except laundry and well...there's always that.  i tried to think of some reasons why we shouldn't go.  two days of driving for one day of visiting.  seemed a little crazy.  but i realized i wanted to go.  i kept thinking, if i don't go, i'm going to wish that i had.  and if there's one thing i know for sure it's this...always listen to what your heart is telling you and you won't have regrets.  always.  listen.  so...         

we did it.  we took the 9 hour drive on friday.  i could hardly wait until party time on saturday.  we hid our car in my brothers' garage.  we locked the door.  and when she rang the bell, i opened the door with a big grin.  the look on her face was priceless and i imagine it was similar to the look that i had when my daughter surprised me.  the best gift ever, she said.  and that made me so happy that i had decided to go.  i thought about it on the long drive home sunday.  these gifts from the heart...they are all about love...that's what makes such simple things so special.  small gestures of love to be treasured forever in our hearts...